Day 14

It's been exactly 2 weeks since the breakup. 14 days. Counting the days so I can hopefully see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I thought I was done with the tears by Day 3 (when I must have cried 8-10 times). Friends all told me I was strong - for deleting him off my social media and leaving all the Whatsapp groups within the hour. I know I had to at least do that, or else my sanity will not be preserved.

I thought what we had was strong. Those memories of how we started at the pier by Central, the countless shared happy memories of when we did visits to new restaurants, attending new events, travelling to new places together, and while we made even more plans and promises to do even more together. How we stood by each other during when each of us went through some tough times in careers, in sickness. The things a couple would have actually vow to do as proclaimed in marriage vows. How we would talk about where we would prefer to have our future home, how many kids, getting dogs,...

It stings, it hurts. On these silent moments alone, it is hard to pass them through without thinking about the day he initiated the breakup. And how he refused to and just stopped communicating. He was no longer the guy I knew. He had clammed up and treated me as a stranger. That really hurt. And he denied me the door to his heart right there and then. Threw away the map and the key.

And then the memories keep popping in every now and then; sometimes they just come in torrents and floods. The first few days I was just trying to keep myself occupied...but at every corner would either be a symbol of our shared memories or I would get reminded of the words he said to me in happier times.

And then I wonder if he feels the same. Did he feel the grieve? The pain? The void? The sadness? The regret of that decision?

And can someone who has been so dear and intimate just turn a 180 and just cut all contact? No responses to my parting message (where I said he owed me an apology). Were the 3 years really nothing to him but a figment of my own imagination that we were in love? Was it a decision made cos he was confused? Were the parents really the reason? But what about the times he assured me he has the ultimate choice? Or was it simply he stopped seeing me in his future? Or was there another someone involved? Then why was I introduced to his parents? Why Why Why? Why was I being abandoned?

Are the occasional pangs of pain stabbed at my heart a reflection of my pain? Or was I feeling the pain he is experiencing?

Today a friend gave me some advice - a guy will keep the relationship going if he wanted to. And I should still look back at the years in fondness as there were many happy moments which made my life richer. And not everyone in our life is meant to stay in our life forever.

The last one really hit hard. I wish he would be in my life forever. And then I broke down in tears...and decided I had to type something cos my headspace was getting way too clouded.

Still in HK!

It's been a long while since my last post! But like my friend K says, we're too busy living our lives to blog about it! So that's a good thing!

Anyways, a short summary on what I've been up to these few months...

• Finished my round 3 of exams! And I was the only candidate in the whole of HK for one of the papers....
• Hung out with Mr Lee from ABDB in the midst of studying for exams haa
• Levelled up in the realm of cooking by making okonomiyaki! It's all about the bbq sauce and kewpie at the end of the day :P
• Learnt that some friends in the group could have different personas depending on who they hang out with....
• Introduced A to Mr Lee
• Was introduced to A's friend who was visiting from the States

And I have began to bow out of those drinking/wine sessions with the usual crew. In fact, I haven't seen them for close to 2 months since I went on a 'retreat' to concentrate on exams. And I wasn't able to attend my dearest friend's wedding in Australia (still feeling sad, but there was really not much of a choice with exams days after). But I sure made it up by sending over a card and handcrafted gifts, and stuff for their new home (exchanged with my expiring Qantas points...I mean why let it go to waste?!). I was really touched when V said she will cook for me with the pots/pans and drink wine from the glasses I sent her way. :D Sometimes it's the little things that count and get to me

And I certainly haven't realised that it's almost been a year in HK! Cliched as it sounds, but time surely does fly by quickly! I think I have accomplished more in my life in this year in HK, had new experiences, met new people, learnt to do a lot of stuff by myself (changing lightbulbs, cleaning mould from wallpaper, stretching shrunken clothes from laundromat, cooking a lot more, dealing with leaking windows but that's been fixed!). 

Strange how I used to measure my accomplishments only through my work back home, but perhaps that was how I wasn't required to do all these chores cos I stayed with the folks. Not even studying for the law degree...somehow I didn't feel entirely proud even though everyone around me was raving about how great I am to juggle that with my busy job. But now, I do feel success is measured in a lot more other ways than at the workplace. Don't get me wrong, I still wanna ROAR at the workplace...but yes, maybe it's those female hormones kicking it .....

Another best friend, J, is gonna be here next week and yes, she's won a chance to stay with me and experience my lifestyle....(and then appreciate all that back home)...

To many more years in HK!

"Make You Feel My Love"

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I will never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
And I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

I guess that I've made the decision for both of us. I don't regret the times we had. Thank you for the moments, and for learning more about myself. 

A time of firsts

Well this month has been a month of "firsts"!

1. Something very personal which only one other person in the world knows about. In any case, an experience to learn from, and move forward from! :)
2. Conducting my first training session in Cantonese. Yep, I know it's old news, but it's a massive milestone in my life. Let's just hope that the feedback won't be too bad....
3. Meeting my ex-big-boss in HK + actually having an awesome time catching up with her about non-work stuff over dinner. Ahhh, sometimes it's just nice to see a familiar face ain't it.
4. Getting to meet the other colleagues in both the local and regional teams, during the farewell/retirement party of our Regional boss. Got to chat with a few other faces and a new colleague...and I have to say I manage to make an impression (I do hope it's a good one and not the reputation of my drinking tolerance...but then again, that's a plus point? haaa)on quite a few of the Regional + Country heads. And with good wine and laughter, what's there not to enjoy!
5. First time having cocktails that literally blew my mind. My friends and I were actually hanging out at The Lab where they had special concoctions with Ginseng, Luo Han Guo etc. And that was already pretty good...but when we were brought to Isono @ PMQ, where we were met by Nic (who's apparently the grandmasters of the mixologists back at The Lab) and got to savour his mixes......phew! Mind-blowing, and like my friend said, "He really takes cocktails to a whole other level". I couldn't agree more - he mixed up two rounds of cocktails for us after learning about our preferences.
• Round 1: Took a sip and we were like 0.o. Goes down so smooth but doesn't taste like it has alcohol (there is alcohol in there if you were wondering). None of the overpowering alcohol content or unbalanced sugary aftertaste.
• Round 2: This round of cocktails were stronger and more advanced. Friend 1 had a drink that smelled like whiskey but contained none of it. Nic challenged us to guess the ingredients....of which I got the major one correct! Friend 2 had a drink called Jungle Fever (which is totally delicious), and I got all the flavours correct! Ok, with a little prompting from the Grandmaster himself...I myself, got a drink called Poison which is a blend of 7 spirits. Nic enjoys creating cocktails where no one actually can tell what goes into it...so I was feeling a little accomplished from his challenge haa

By then we were almost done with our drinks and our chat, and Nic with his work shift, we were invited to grab Tom Yum shots and Sour Plum Shots at Topiary (another bar) with him. And yes, I identified the ingredients behind the Tom Yum ones (not cos I know the ingredients of a Tom Yum Goong recipe but I could really taste themt)...and Nic said I can be a sommelier since I'm rather spot-on on the tastes/ingredients!!

-let's just pause to enjoy the moment of me leaping over the moon.=D.....-

Ok, that aside, it was really refreshing to hear someone sharing his experiences, story and philosophy (yes there is philosophy behind cocktail-making). A really humble person with interesting anecdotes....I'll be back to Isono for more of his drinks and chatting! And I'm totally bringing my future boyfriend for him to have a look so he can screen his personality with his X-ray eyes ....

Entrepreneurs - reading about one and talking with another

So I've just recently finished reading this book called "Starting from Scrap" which is about a 22-year old guy who arrived in HK from the States, built his own business and sold it after about 8 years. Pretty insightful stuff about starting your business and dealing with the cyclical nature of things ...written in an entertaining manner w lots of humour thrown in.

Then I was asked by my friend (whom I had brunch with earlier in the day) to join her and her friend for drinks later in the night. Found out that the friend is an entrepreneur too! A jet-setting successful one in the private equity industry. Was very interesting to hear him sharing his perspectives on business stuff, politics and systems, on what makes him tick, when to onboard partners and then basically on what makes a city attractive.
Was an unexpectedly nice time hanging out w an interesting individual, all while having some awesome food from Gordon Ramsay's, and then adjourning to a speakeasy with martini cocktails like "James Bond" and "Banoffee pie".

The best quote I heard during the night is ,"When you need money, you will make money".

Needless to say, I emerged the night with renewed perspectives. I guess I'm beginning to appreciate why people say you really do get to meet lots of different kinds of people here in HK...

It's back to BAU work and starting with the law books at last! I've got a mate from San Francisco spending a couple nights with me from tomorrow, but I think it should be all chillax ...

Anyways, I have seen a couple of friends doing the Gratitude challenge on Facebook. I've actually done this exercise way before this whole trend started, but just to show I'm not lagging behind those trends, here's my take on it:

Things I am grateful for:

• Coming home to a parcel hung outside my door. 

Honestly I got a little horrified when I saw it hung with a rubber band to my door handle....cos I certainly wasn't expecting anything! I spotted an address which I didn't identify as mine and honestly thought the postal guys made a huge mistake! (the address was actually of the sender) And was wondering if it was gonna b a pig's head cos the previous tenant owed some money....

Turns out it was Michael+Hanny who sent some Tim Tams my way all the way from Perth for my birthday! :D And the Adriano Zumbo limited editions to top the whole surprise off! Such a sweet friend! And all just b'cos of my comment that Tim Tams are expensive here in HK.

Really heartwarming gesture to feel I'm not forgotten...especially the couple of friendships that I had to *ahem*, according to Taylor Swift, "Shake it Off"!

• Tinder.

Yes, mindless swiping just based on first impressions. Epitome of swipe right, if you like what you see. Mrs Toes in the Sand will know what I'm talking about *wink wink*. Anyways, I got a proposition for a fling - while I admired the candidness (and of course the handsomeness), I had to pry myself away from things which just didn't go well with my values. 

The exact proposition was a great laugh for all those I shared it with me, as well as for myself haa. Guess you can't take some things (like Tinder) and some people too seriously....lol

• My ricecooker + Thermos soup pot

Electrical appliances are exorbitant in HK! Had to wait for my parents to come with the aforementioned appliances....and I'm glad to say I've been using the ricecooker almost every night, and have made Green Bean Sweet Soup and Carrot & Corn Soup with the pot!

And managed to impress my colleagues with my cooking skills along the way since that means packed lunches to work (without the nasty MSG)....

Meanwhile, my colleagues have been requesting me to set up a catering service for lunch (which by the way, also happened in SG...)

• TV

See first sentence of point above. But the parents were shopping at the computer centre at Sham Shui Po one day, and picked up a 24-inch Smart TV of a local brand for around 200 SG bucks. Nothing too fancy, but at least I can keep up with the news (more of the weather and the traffic diversions due to the protests). I recently realised there are options to change the audio language and subtitles! And the recording function! Back to some English TV for me hooray!

Alright, that sums up my exciting highlights recently! Laters peeps!

A whirlwind of meet ups!

While I am still recovering from the exhaustion from the trip to Korea (and braving the one hour security check at Inchein airport and another one hour plus trip from HK airport no thanks to Occupy Central... ), I'm preparing for the parents' visit on Thursday!  Yippeeee yay

Miffy meep from Toes in the Sand came for a weekend visit 2 weeks ago...and boy was I so thankful to be able to spend some girl bonding time together. ..even though it was for 2 days!! So nice to finally have a friend over! :) we ate and ate, and tried horse riding at the Hermes exhibition, shopped, and had a slight panic in trying to get to the airport (what's new after Taipei lol)

Anyways, in Seoul I was a few days later for another dear friend's wedding. I met Sunmi at Hallym University when I was there for summer exchange a grand 7 years ago...and I'm so happy for her. People often comment that I must be very nice to go to weddings overseas especially where it is self-funded...but I tend to look at it a little differently - I feel honoured to be invited to weddings who revel in me gracing  and sharing their happy occasion. Of course, I know (and have experienced) those who are just out doing it for some other motives. ..but I've since learn how to filter such peeps away. Also nice to meet up with Sangwoo who has grown into a fine guy! Can't say the sane about E - he might be one of those I won't be hanging out with next time I return.

Anyways, at the urge of J, my impromptu dinner partner in SG and life advisor (haahaa), I shall continue to try to make new friends here ...so I won't have to eat dinner alone lol!  And also with the renwed perspective from Korea, I believe there are always gems out there! So I have registered myself on meetup.com (no it's not an online dating site) and signed up on some of the activities (actually one so far haa).

So there you go! A little rough at the start, but I'm sure things will be going smooth from now on!